My heart, My Pain..

My Heart's disarray is my own doing or at least that of my hopes to finding that one person. Its pretty sad and pathetic but I'm a romantic i'm in love with love, i stupidly wear my heart on my sleeve. Every person i meet i can imagine my future with them. Every date that comes and goes i picture it like something out of the movies. But it never goes that way. Every time i get stood up i feel like my hopes are crushed. Sadly i think i would settle with a complete imbecile, but not even those wanna, well at least not with me. I'm sick and tired. I was told i had high expectations, at least that's what it seemed like. Because i would get an interested participant and for whatever reason he would be dismissed. But what they don't know is that i really try, its not my fault I bite the hook whatever chance i get. Only to be thrown back in the water. I'm exhausted. Sometime i think Spinsterhood isn't that bad, at least i wouldn't be tired, and my emotions would be in a coma. I can't just sit and wait practicing my needlework and waiting for the knight in shinning armor, but i'm tired of looking. I'm tired of waiting. And sometimes when i have time on my hands, I think that thinking like this is pretty stupid cos im Only 19 going on 20. But i feel 19 going on 40. Then i do have a problem with the way youth these days try their chance at the opposite sex, which is social networks such as Myspace, facebook, etc. i find those things void of emotion, empty at something real. In them you only learn what they want you to know, you tell them what they wanna hear. Its wrong. Is it too much to ask for? To be loved? Too be consumed by a passion for someone else? I'll make sure to ask the doctor on my next physical exam to check my heart, I'm pretty sure it's shattered in a million pieces. The sad part is that its my fault.