Dear E,
I want
you to know that I don’t feel as bad about you as I used. You broke me. I couldn’t
bear to remember the nights, hours, and minutes we spent together. At the time I
was well aware that you were going to through a serious break up. But in my
head pent up feelings of attraction wouldn’t let me put two and two together,
now I know that it was purely rebound. The kisses the touch and caresses were
there to make up what you no longer had. I was no innocent bystander, because
you constantly spoke about her, and every time you did it broke me a little
inside. I also thought that just maybe with a little time, and spending enough
time with me, that if I kept things new and exciting you would stay. What I think
hurts the most that I felt so strongly about you, I wanted you to come home and
meet my family, which I’d never even considered with anyone but you. My mother
of course would hate you, but it wouldn’t matter because of what I felt for
you. Yet things never work out quite the way one imagines they would. I loved
that you never shied away when you had no idea what I said. You were smart but
not smarter than I. I didn’t have to dumb myself down, or put up a phony act
with you. We could talk and sit in silence and did not feel awkward. But yet
you loved her or couldn’t get over her. I also completely understand that you
adored her kid, you love children, one day you will be a great father. If you
are not one already. Though you could’ve said good-bye. You should’ve said
good-bye. I don’t why you didn’t let me know. I was always honest with you, I let
you know that I wasn’t going to chase you, or condemn, and make your life hell
when we parted ways. I just needed to know. You’re abrupt departure reinforced
my abandonment issues. I was broken I couldn’t leave my house for days. I
called out of work two weeks straight. I couldn’t. It took me months to be
myself and even then I couldn’t fathom dating anyone. Then almost a year later
you waltz back acting cool and suave crying about what a terrible year you’d
had and pretending we were friends. I couldn’t do that. This was something I had
to do. I hope you the very best. I couldn’t keep this inside me you had to
know, this is the closure I needed.
Best
wishes
Sandra
